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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23482705">Jellied Ham</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofkadara/pseuds/queenofkadara'>queenofkadara</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age: Origins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Conversations with Alistair because he's ADORABLE, F/M, Fluff, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:16:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23482705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofkadara/pseuds/queenofkadara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inala stared stupidly at the confident curl of Zevran's smile. Marethari had always told her that the city elves had very different lives from the Dalish, but she’d never really appreciated just how different their lives were until she met Zevran. </p><p>But then, there were a <em>lot</em> of things Inala hadn't appreciated until she met Zevran. </p><p>****************************<br/>Author's note: There will be no further chapters to this fic, unfortunately. Sorry for the inconvenience!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zevran Arainai/Female Mahariel, Zevran Arainai/Female Warden</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jellied Ham</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Inala pushed open the flap of Alistair’s tent. “Ali, can I–”</p><p>“Hey!” Alistair complained. “What if I was naked in here? Or practicing an Antivan jig for the next time we’re bored on the road? You’d have ruined the surprise.”</p><p>Inala unrepentantly crawled into his tent. “Practicing an Antivan jig while sitting on your ass? That’s a special skill.”</p><p>Alistair nodded sagely. “It really is, and I’m really good at it. Want to see?” He started wiggling his shoulders and snapping his fingers.</p><p>Inala snorted. “Amazing. Fascinating. Really, I’m honoured to have witnessed it. Can I ask you something?”</p><p>He stopped his so-called dancing and sighed. “Since you burst into my tent like this and interrupted my dance routine, I guess you might as well.”</p><p>She settled herself cross-legged on his bedroll. “Have you ever, uh…” She trailed off awkwardly. She’d only ever talked about this with the other girls in her clan, and with Ashalle when she’d hit puberty. It was weird talking about it with a man, even if the man was just Alistair. </p><p>He raised his eyebrows. “Have I ever what? Had a good pair of shoes?”</p><p>She tutted. “No. You know.” She gave him a pointed look. </p><p>Alistair smiled. “I don’t, actually! Have I ever seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have I ever licked a lamppost in winter?” He wiggled his eyebrows salaciously. </p><p>Inala rolled her eyes. He knew <em>exactly</em> what she was talking about. “Look, I don’t know what jellied ham is, but it sounds disgusting. I’m talking about, you know.” She waved her hand vaguely. “Sex.”</p><p>“Oh, is <em>that</em> what we’re talking about?” he exclaimed. “I could have sworn this conversation was about the jellied ham.”</p><p>Inala whined and poked his arm. “Come on, just tell me. Have you ever, uh, done it before?”</p><p>“All right, all right, twist my arm,” he drawled. “I haven’t ever eaten jellied ham, no. Why, have you?”</p><p>Inala gasped mockingly. “What a question to ask a proper lady.”</p><p>Alistair snorted. “That’s a no, then. Besides, you’re not a proper lady. You’re a Dalish wildwoman.”</p><p>“And <em>you’re</em> a smelly human brute,” she retorted.</p><p>He sighed happily. “Isn’t it so nice to recognize each other for who we really are?”</p><p>Inala snickered, then sighed and picked idly at the fabric of his bedroll. Alistair tilted his head. “Why are you asking about this? You’re not, uh, offering, are you?”</p><p>She scoffed and elbowed him. “No, you dummy. Not to you, at least.”</p><p>His eyes went wide. “So you’re going to offer to someone! Who? Let me guess, let me guess: Sten. It’s Sten, isn’t it?”</p><p>Inala looked up with a grin. “How much would you dare me to offer my virginity to Sten?”</p><p>“I would dare you…” He eagerly dug around in his pouch of coin, but his smile faded into disappointment. He gave her a hangdog look. “How about three coppers and the first viewing of my Antivan jig routine once it’s complete?”</p><p>She wrinkled her nose. “Not good enough.”</p><p>He clicked his tongue. “Shame. Seriously though, are you thinking about, uh, eating jellied ham with someone?”</p><p>She shrugged. “Maybe.” She scratched idly at his bedroll for a moment more, then smiled at him. “You know who’s eaten a lot of jellied ham? Zevran.”</p><p>Alistair scoffed. “That’s hardly a secret. Jellied ham during assassinations, jellied ham when he had the flu, two types of jellied ham at once…” His eyes widened. “Wait. You’re… you’re thinking of sleeping with Zevran?”</p><p>She shrugged and looked down at her fingers, which were still scratching at the bedroll. “I don’t know. Maybe.” In truth, Inala wasn’t sure she <em>did</em> want to sleep with Zevran. That wasn’t to say she wasn’t interested in him; she found him fascinating, actually. He was the first non-Dalish elf she’d ever spent a significant amount of time with. Every time she talked to him, she got this strange sense of vertigo about just how different their lives had been. Marethari had always told her that the city elves had very different lives from the Dalish, but she’d never really appreciated just how different their lives were until she’d met Zevran. </p><p>She’d also never really been attracted to anyone before she’d met Zevran. It was hard to feel attracted to anyone in her clan when she saw them all as her family. </p><p>Or she used to, at least, before they’d forced her to become a Grey Warden. </p><p>She pushed aside the bitterness and turned her thoughts back to Zevran. But thinking of Zevran was difficult as well, in a very different way. She liked Zevran; she thought he was handsome and charming and funny, and the way he flirted with her… Creators, no one had ever flirted with her like that before. No one had ever looked at her the way Zevran did, like she was more than just one of the boys. Like she was something… desirable. </p><p>But the way he talked about… about sex, and about being raised in a whorehouse? She didn’t have the whole story, but the hints he’d given her were enough to chill her blood. He told amusing stories about the people he’d slept with, but if those stories had happened during jobs he’d done for the Antivan Crows, had he actually enjoyed the sex? How could he be enjoying it when it had been drilled into him as something he had to be good at rather than something to enjoy? </p><p>But then again, who was Inala to question Zevran’s sexual motives when the only experience she had was an awkward experimental kiss here and there? </p><p>She nibbled the inside of her cheek and shot Alistair a sideways glance. “Do you think Zevran would care that I’ve never eaten jellied ham before?” she asked.</p><p>“Are you sure you want to offer him your jellied ham?” Alistair said.</p><p>His tone was uncharacteristically serious. Inala softened at the concern in his face. “You still think he might try to assassinate us? After everything he said about those awful Crows?”</p><p>“We can’t say for sure that he won’t,” Alistair said. “I mean, I don’t think he’ll succeed, not with Sten and Shale watching, but that doesn’t mean he won’t try. And what if he tries while you’re, you know. Halfway through the jellied ham?”</p><p>Inala gave him a cheeky smile. “Well, that’s the real reason I came to you. Will you stand guard outside my tent while I eat jellied ham with Zevran?”</p><p>“Maker, no,” Alistair said loudly. “Get the mabari to do that.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t make Keebs do that!” she protested.</p><p>Alistair raised his eyebrows. “So you wouldn’t force Keebs to listen to you eating jellied ham, but you’d ask <em>me</em> to do it? Are you saying you value the mabari over me?”</p><p>Inala hesitated, and Alistair grunted and clutched his chest. “Ouch. You wound me. No really, I’m hurt. I’m… I’m devastated, actually. I might just take a vow of silence right now in protest.”</p><p>Inala widened her eyes. “Creators, really? Do you promise? I could use the peace and quiet.”</p><p>Alistair laughed, and Inala couldn’t help but join in. When they’d both caught their breath, Alistair elbowed her gently. “I don’t think Zevran will care that you’ve never eaten jellied ham before, for what it’s worth.”</p><p>She gave him a little half-smile, and they were quiet for a moment. Then Inala tilted her head. “Do you think Morrigan is a virgin?”</p><p>Alistair wrinkled his nose. “I think Morrigan is a praying mantis. She probably pops the heads off of her partners after sex and eats them.”</p><p>Inala barked out a laugh. “You’re so stupid.”</p><p>“It takes one to know one, my friend,” he retorted.</p><p>She <em>tsk</em>ed and punched him in the arm, and he flicked her ear. She punched him once more, then unfolded her legs and crawled over to the flap of his tent. “Goodnight, Alistair,” she drawled.</p><p>“Goodnight, Inala,” he said just as mockingly. </p><p>She shot him a swift grin, then left his tent. Everyone else seemed to be in their tents already – everyone except Zevran, in fact. </p><p>He was sitting by the fire and humming to himself as he sharpened one of his knives. He glanced up as she emerged from Alistair’s tent, and her heart did a little flip-flop as he met her gaze. Zevran had this way of smiling at her, like the curl of his lips and the heat in his eyes was only meant for her, and it just made her feel more confused. </p><p>Confused about whether she wanted to offer her jellied ham to him, or whether she really just wanted to hug him and keep him away from anyone who would value him only for his ill-begotten ‘skills’. </p><p>Her heart twisted again, but in a painful way this time, and she dropped his heated gaze. “Goodnight, Zevran,” she said. “Sweet dreams.” </p><p>“Pray that I dream of you, then,” he said. He tilted his head and sighed. “Ah, what a sweet dream that would be.” </p><p>A stupid grin burst across her face, and she rubbed her nose. <em>Fenedhis,</em> she could feel her face going hot. “I’ll… I’ll do that,” she said lamely, then immediately wanted to smack herself for the inane response.</p><p>He chuckled, and the smooth and rolling sound chased her toward her tent. Once she was in the safety of her tent, she breathed a sigh of relief, then pulled off her boots and slid into her bedroll. </p><p>She closed her eyes, but thoughts of Zevran played through her mind. His devilish little smile and that devilish quirk of his eyebrows. The lovely rolling cadence of his accent and the lovely veins in his elegant hands. What he must have looked like as a bony underfed seven-year-old slave.  </p><p>Her gut twisted at the thought. She sighed and closed her eyes, then segued into the before-bed meditation that Ashalle had taught her when she was a moody and restless adolescent. A few minutes later, just as she was falling asleep, she had one last thought of Zevran. </p><p>It was a memory from when they’d first met, when he was tied up on the ground after failing to kill her and Alistair. He’d been charming even then, gazing boldly up at her with that warm and mischievous grin, and there was blood dripping down his chin thanks to a punch he’d taken from Sten.  </p><p>As Inala finally fell asleep, that’s what she was thinking about: Zevran’s broad and bloodstained smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am <a href="https://pikapeppa.tumblr.com/">Pikapeppa on Tumblr,</a> if anyone wants to come hang out! I have barely even started playing Origins, though, so if anyone gives me any romance or character spoilers, I will riot. xoxo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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